The Dr.’s appointment was finished. I was sweaty, confused, upset and overwhelmed. Why I was worried is beside the point, but what I did next was my big mistake.
Over the course of the next few days…
I called my mom.
I read articles.
I called and texted friends.
I vented to Steve.
I reached out to everyone who would listen, and still felt so unsettled.
I was running around looking for someone to give me peace—true peace. I wanted my heart to be quiet, my nerves to feel settled, but instead I felt more confused than when I started on my peace-seeking rampage.
Steve and I sat down one morning to read in Mark. Our church is challenging us to read through the Gospels this summer, and in that morning’s reading plan was Mark 4:35-41.
Jesus Calms the Storm
Do you know the story? The disciples are on a boat and a storm hits “A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped.”
Ok, I would be scared too.
They rush to get Jesus and wake Him up from His nap in the stern of the boat.
“Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
This part made me giggle a little. Come on guys, of course He cares! I can hear their fear and almost see an eye roll from Jesus.
Jesus quieted the wind and the waves and looks to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
These powerful words from Jesus pierced a vulnerable place in my heart.
I felt like He was sitting at the table with me, looking me in the eye, asking me that very question:
Chelsey, daughter, don’t you trust me?
I realized I could say “yes” but Jesus could see beyond my empty words and actions—He could see my heart. He had watched my panicked search for peace, and knew I did not turn to Him. He knew the truth.
No, I didn’t trust Him.
I imagined the pain I would feel if Steve sat down with me to tell me He didn’t trust me.
Why didn’t I trust the only One I knew to be perfectly trustworthy?
Over the course of the next few days, truth was spoken to me in many different ways. Oh, how I love the body of Christ. How I need to be surrounded by believers to breathe God’s truth and wisdom into my life!
To trust Jesus, to REALLY trust Him, takes much more than head knowledge—it takes time spent with Him and in His word. Of course I “knew” this, but was I actually living it out?
Learning to trust Jesus takes quiet time. Listening time. Praising time. Prayer time. Time in His word. And I’ll be honest; my life has not reflected this lately. Instead, I fill those quiet moments with noisy fillers—dishes, Facebook, picking up toys, work, Snapchat…the list goes on. All of these “fillers” don’t make me feel full, but empty. They leave my soul thirsty, desperately longing for something more.
How different would my life look if I spent time with Jesus the way He desires me to? How different would my response to fearful situations unfold? What if instead of calling all my troops, I first sat down with Jesus and told Him of my fear? What if in my free moments I got on my knees and prayed for peace and trust instead of quickly checking Snapchat or Facebook? And what if instead of letting my thoughts turn to fear and worry, I changed the subject in my mind to singing praises and thanking Jesus for all His blessings?
Oh, Jesus, give me the will power to make this so.
This past week I had an opportunity to spend a few hours with Jesus. All of my attention was on Him. My soul was quiet and my phone off. The peace that filled me was unexplainable—overpowering and more than I had expected. For the first time that week, my heart felt calm. I had found the true source of peace. I had found Peace Himself.
What fear is nagging at your heart today? What worry is burrowing into your joy?
I challenge you: seek Jesus. Seek Peace.
I love this line from the popular Hillsong song Oceans: “…and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.”
What truth. The only way for us to know and trust Jesus is spending time in His presence…sitting at the foot of His throne with our eyes focused only on Him. All the comfort you can get from friends and family and Google is nothing in comparison to the deep, satisfying peace of Jesus. He cures. He heals. He saves. He knows our need and is able to physically remove fear and worry and replace it with peace and joy.
What is getting in the way of your time with Jesus? Grab a piece of paper. Make a list. What step can you take to spend more time with Him and eliminate distractions?
May His true peace wash over you today. May you sit in His presence and let Him hold you in a new way.
In my worried wandering, a friend sent me this beautiful quote:
“Wear my love like a cloak of light. Have no fear, perfect Love decimates fear.”
I think this belongs on a sticky note in every room of my house…
If you have found a great way to eliminate distraction and find time in His presence, please share!