I have written so many blogs since my little girl’s birth…all of them drafted in my head during middle of the night nursing sessions, bouncing on the exercise ball to get her to sleep in those first weeks and in those moments while I lie in bed adjusting to the silence. Some of these thoughts are recorded in random word docs and on scraps of paper around the house, and I hope someday I can find time to craft them into pieces that make sense to more than just the tired mom brain that etched them out.
But today, I sat down and the poem below came rushing out. Finally. So bear with me as it is raw, unedited, but true to life.
A quick disclaimer:
- If you have more than one child, feel free to laugh and say “wait until you have another.” But try to remember back to when it was all new 🙂
You woke me up in a chipper mood.
Baby woke up early, but no time to be a prude.
I snuggled her in and held her close—
Fed her, changed her and wiped her nose.
I felt ambitious and so did you.
“We will get a lot done today,” you said,
and I thought it would be true.
I made a list—just a few simple tasks.
I would accomplish each one, so tonight I could relax.
We started with breakfast—a hot one taboot.
Eggs and coffee.
Feeling productive already! ahh shoot.
Then came naptime, I thought baby would sleep for hours.
Instead, she woke up after 35 minutes.
No time for a shower.
Quick fold some laundry.
Quick wash the pump parts.
Quick find that darn list.
Now, where do we start?
Oh, look. It’s almost noon…
Hubby needs some lunch, what should we do?
“Remember,” you said, “be ambitious today.”
So I chopped up a bunch of stuff for an amazing salad.
Result = my kitchen in complete disarray.
Hubby back to work.
Baby ate some random snacks.
Phew. I bet this afternoon she will take a record-setting nap.
“Jesus loves me, this I know…”
Baby’s head on my shoulder.
Oh, I love this so.
And just like that, she’s out like a light.
Where’s my list?
Now is my time!
Oh wait, this would be a great time to go to the gym.
Find those yoga pants that make me look slim.
I find the pants next to my new sports bra.
Quick wash the pump parts and sit down to be a cow.
Before I know it I hear hubby’s words from the office,
“She’s awake…better get her now.”
30 Minutes? What was that for a nap?
Quick do the dishes.
Quick forget about the gym.
My steps for today…I’ll never get them in.
Snuggles during a feeding, and baby’s smile so sweet.
I hear my stomach growl…what did I even eat?
She giggles and coos, then snorts as I wiggle my tongue.
Looks like she wont’ be going back down for her nap…
But at least she’s having fun.
The afternoon spent playing.
Nursing. Grabbing. Drooling. Squawking.
But out of the corner of her eye, she is always watching.
“Don’t leave the room, mommy,” her pouty lip says it all,
As I sneak away to find my list,
but only make it a few steps down the hall.
Wailing cries. She bumped her head.
List? What list?
Looks like snuggles instead.
As I was feeding baby pureed pears at supper time,
I saw the list out of the corner of my eye.
My heart sank as I looked at the time,
I hadn’t accomplished one little task.
Wednesday, you told me a lie.
You said it would be a productive day.
You said we would get a lot done.
But as I trip over jagged blocks,
I’m reminded of what today was…
Smiles and playtime.
Lunch with the hubs.
Baby giggles that reached a new octave,
And babbles that sounded like mum-mum.
I remember life without her.
I remember what it was like.
I remember completing to-do lists,
Crossing off tasks with enthusiastic strikes.
Tonight I can’t make any marks–
My to-do list still to be done.
But I have to admit,
My heart is full,
Oh Lord, it must weigh a ton.
I’m thankful for you, Wednesday.
I’m thankful despite the fact,
That I’m still here in my sweats with my greasy hair pulled back.
I’m thankful for this life,
Oh so imperfect and raw.
I’m not super-mom,
But I’m learning through the flaws.
Thursday, please remind me
when I first open my eyes,
that “productive” isn’t just tasks complete,
but also soothing baby cries.
Thursday, give me gentle nudges
when I get frustrated with myself,
for not working hard enough
or finally organizing those pantry shelves.
Please remind me WHOSE I am,
and the beauty of this life…
My TRUE purpose as a wife and mom,
and a follower of Christ.
Finally. She sleeps 🙂