I waited impatiently for my phone to ring…
I had been doing that a lot lately – waiting – waiting for Steve to find out if he received an interview or a job, waiting to hear from contracts that equal more work for me.
My dad always told me “A watched pot never boils,” but yet I waited the other day in the sunlight, staring at my phone as a tight, anxious lump formed in my throat. I can’t wait to start living again…
I’m in a season of life where God has given me a lot of extra time, a luxury I didn’t quite know how to handle after this spring’s madness. For two weeks I wallowed in a little self-pity. I wanted to be busy, to be making more money, to be doing something MEANINGFUL.
HERE I AM GOD! USE ME! I’m ready, eager, willing and frankly a little bored.
Steve and I have lived in limbo all summer, knowing that with one phone call we could be packing up and moving with two weeks notice. The moving part isn’t daunting to me, its the waiting season I hate. Do I keep trying to make friends? Do I get involved at church? Do I try to find a local contract? Do I buy toilet paper in bulk!? Waiting on jobs and moving was keeping me from living.
As a self-proclaimed busy-body, I felt inefficient– frozen in time.
A few weeks ago I was invited to attend an evening of worship and prayer with a group of women from our church. Normally, I wouldn’t go. Normally, I would use the excuse, “we might be moving soon, and I’m not sure now is a good time for me to get involved.” But instead God opened my eyes to my self-inflicted frozen state. He reminded me HE has placed me here. Today. He is not finished with my time in Fort Collins, and instead of waiting for what is next, He wants me to LIVE now!
Taking this simple step to join the women’s Bible study has changed my summer. As one woman prayed over me, she felt the Lord telling her I needed to worry less about efficiency, and instead enjoy the adventure of following Jesus. I was speechless. This woman didn’t know what I had been struggling with for the last few weeks, and yet her words were spot-on. In my frustration of not being efficient with my time (by American standards), I was missing what God was doing.
It had never crossed my mind that maybe God wanted to slow me down…way down, make me a little uncomfortable and remind me why I’m even here (as in on earth) in the first place. Sure, I was working hard before, but who was I working for? Was all that I produced more glorifying to God than the extra dishes, laundry and worship I have time for now? I believe God has me in a place of learning to rely on Him and experience His strong and irreplaceable love. He is teaching me, strengthening me and helping me find a fullness in Him beyond anything I have ever experienced. He is opening my eyes to His truth that busyness does not equal productivity, and “doing good things” doesn’t always equal glorifying Him. Doing just to do, isn’t really doing anything at all… ooo I think that’s a good title for my next blog 🙂 What started out as a slow, painful time of life, has become a beautiful growing season.
I’ve also been encouraged to LIVE right where I am. Sure, I could be moving in two weeks, but it could also be 6 months. I’m still here…still breathing…and still capable of serving and glorifying God right where I am. There are always going to be excuses for waiting… moving, buying a house, getting a new job, starting a family, losing weight, etc… but the truth is, once we reach what we are waiting for, there is just going to be something new on the horizon.
God is teaching me is that our journey with Him is an ADVENTURE. No matter where we are or what season you are in, He is beside us. God is not a boring God, and His plans for us are not clean-cut, prim and proper, but He always provides. He has more in store for us than we will ever know, but unless we choose to live, we will always be waiting.
What are you waiting for?